My Pandemic Maternity Leave

Everyone can agree that 2020 has been quite the year. But the best thing that has happened to our family also occurred in 2020. Our baby Lily was born in January 2020 and has been the greatest bundle of joy. We love her so much and she brings us so much happiness. She is literally the best thing ever and we love watching her grow!

I’m already seven months into my maternity leave. Wow, it’s true that they say time flies! However, about 2 months in, the WHO declared a global pandemic. Like WTF?! The first week was like the zombie apocalypse where everyone was stock piling food, sanitizer and toilet paper (I still don’t understand the demand for tp but whateves). It’s the middle of March and we’re stuck in our house, nearing the end of winter, and completely cut off from any family or friends. I have never walked around my neighbourhood so much than that first month of quarantine/lock down. We also downloaded some new apps like Zoom and House Party to video chat. It’s been quite the experience. It’s getting better now that we have added socially distant visits and slowly started opening our bubble. The city has pretty much opened back up and things are returning to a new normal. But for the last few months my little bubble was just me, my husband and two kids.

After a couple of months of the pandemic, we started to settle into our new routine but then I started to mourn the Mat leave that I was supposed to have. When Lily was around 4 or 5 months, she started getting more active and her personality developed. That’s when it hit me that no one else would see this except for us. This made me sooooo sad.

Since I have already gone through mat leave with William, I knew what I was missing. Like the mommy and baby play dates, stroller fit classes, mall/park stroller walks, indoor play gyms, swimming lessons, music classes and most of all visits from family and friends. We are also so lucky in Canada to get a 12 or 18 month mat leave, depending on which you choose. During my first mat leave we really took advantage of this and we took William on 4 trips in his first year! We had the best time. His first trip was to Las Vegas, then Jamaica, then Hawaii and South Africa. It was so much fun travelling as a family and I was looking forward to trips with Lily and making new memories as a family. We had to cancel Lily’s first trip, which we booked for Punta Cana in May. I can’t wait to be able to travel again. But who knows when it will be safe enough to travel.

I’m sad that Lily doesn’t get the same experience that William got. Not that she will remember any of this. But we always look back at William’s first year and talk about the many experiences he’s had. Lily’s first year is much different. Even by now she would have been around my and my husband’s family a lot more and would be held by other people. She’s already starting to develop stranger anxiety to her own family. Like, burst out crying when her grandparents or aunties smile at her. But it’s because she doesn’t know them and to her they are strangers. That really sucks. But now we’re slowly opening our bubble and we’ve seen a bit more of our family in person so we’ll get there.

Let’s also talk about my personal well-being. I’ll start off by saying I’m doing ok, better now than before, because as I read ahead this section sounds a bit depressing. I don’t mean to be a downer, but I’m sharing some light on what mat leave is like during a pandemic and this is what it was like for me. Being on mat leave can feel very lonely. Being cooped up during a pandemic is also very lonely. Combine the two and you have a recipe for disaster. Lucky for me, my husband is the most hands-on dad you can find. He helps with both Lily and William and we make a great team. But he also goes to work and because of that, we made the decision that he would be the person to make any essential trips like getting groceries. I was stuck inside my house (with my lovely family of course), with no contact to the outside world other than digital. This went on for months. I remember my first time out of the house was to take Lily to her 4 month paediatrician appointment. It was 2 months since the last time I went out in public and it was a bit of a shock for me. Then a bit later was my first trip to the grocery store. I hadn’t seen any of the changes that were done in stores like the line ups, plexiglass, face masks or empty shelves. It actually felt like a different world. Things are much better now and I’m doing much better but those first few months were rough. They say that it takes a village to raise a child. Well that village was not accessible and I felt like I was on my own. I really did appreciate my family and friends for checking in on me and our family. But I am looking forward to all of this to be over.

Looking ahead in the year, I also wonder what Lily’s first holidays will be like. Will Halloween and Thanksgiving be cancelled? I can’t imagine what Trick or Treating will be like this year. What about Christmas? Will there be any pictures with Santa this year? Will we sit 2 meters away? LOL. Seriously, can we have a 2020 do over?

While I am sad about all the things that we are missing out on, there are a few positive things that we got out of this pandemic – although, I would rather have no pandemic but I’m trying to look at the bright side here. First, since the pandemic closed all schools and daycares, that meant William was home with us the whole time. Even though I was off on mat leave, we still sent William to pre-school so that he had a routine and I could have some bonding time with Lily and do all my mat leave stuff. But having him around has allowed him and Lily to develop a really special bond. He loves her so much and I’m not sure it would have been the same if he was at school. Second, while it sucks that the pandemic happened during my mat leave, this was the best time for us. I look at all the working parents out there who are struggling to balance work and parenting with no help. Like, how is someone supposed to work their full time job from home while they have kids running around or teach online school?! I can’t even imagine. My husband has a job that he has to go in for so if I were working it would have been a nightmare. Third, the pandemic has really helped us slow down and spend time together as a family. In a world where it is always go, go, go, it’s been really nice to not be on a crazy schedule all the time and have time for us. We’ve spent so much time at home and lucky for us we have a pool. William was swimming with a life jacket at the beginning of the year and now he’s a pro star! He’s learning to dive, pick up toys from the deep end, learning proper swimming strokes and we’re also teaching him how to snorkel. If he was in school, he wouldn’t have had time to swim as much. This is also the most I’ve been in the pool too!

See, there are some good things that have come from this pandemic life. Ha. While the first few months were hard, it’s definitely much better now. The nice summer weather helps. And thankfully the number of positive cases have dropped significantly and we’re slowly getting back to normal. Guess what my other challenge is? William starts JK in September so now we have to decide if we should send him for in-class school or sign up for virtual learning. Yikes! That’s going to be another post!

I hope this post was helpful to those who might be going through the same experience. I know things could be waaaaaaayyyyyy worse, so I am definitely grateful for the position that we’re in. And while it sounds like I’m having a little pity party over here, overall I am fine and happy. I just go through these little blips where I am sad. I also know that there are a lot of people out there who are struggling through this pandemic. Whether it’s big or small, you are allowed to feel the way you feel. I hope that everyone has access to a support system and someone they can talk to. Besides friends and family, one of my favourite outlets is my online mommy group who are all going through a similar mat leave to me. It’s a place where we can vent and talk about what’s on our mind with no judgement. We also have lots of laughs and my Amazon addiction has sky rocketed as a result. And if I can be of help in any way, please please please reach out! Us women, but especially mamas have to stick together and support each other!

So, that’s my pandemic mat leave experience so far. How are you handling the pandemic? How has the pandemic affected you?